I think that the stopping part of drinking can actually be
the simplest part of the process. You just stop—either cold turkey, or
incrementally. There are some discomforts, but they are not unbearable.
ItÕs the staying stopped that can be complicated,
primarily because of anxieties we may have about what it will be like to be
sober. Inability to cope with stresses, problems breaking the daily patterns
that reinforced the drinking, or just dealing with the boredom or restlessness
that often comes with early sobriety: those are the things a recovery program
can help you with. A day or so into quitting, things weÕve suppressed may
suddenly come to the front of our brains. ItÕs best to plan for that!
Figuring out what benefit alcohol was providing you can be
a helpful starting point. Anticipating urges, changing your daily routine, and
finding a way to make your commitment to sobriety firm and unshakeable are the
keys to success.
When your first quit, or if youÕre new at it, IÕd suggest
making specific plans for:
á
what to do with the time you usually spent drinking. ItÕs
a pretty passive activity, and most of us found ourselves pretty restless at
first. I found myself stopping at a local bookstore or magazine store almost
every day, looking for reading material, and the folks at Blockbuster got to
know me on a first-name basis.
á
the possibility of negative reactions from those around
you. You might be a little antsy or snappish. Your drinking friends might be a
little threatened by your change. Some might show relief when you decide to
drink, that youÕre Òback to normal.Ó Those are big factors in how we deal with
urges.
á
how to quiet your rumbling stomach. This might be a
good evening for a high-carbohydrate dinner. Make lasagna! It takes time, is
fun to make at home, and fills you up. Plus, people will really be impressed.
á
how to get to sleep. Herbal teas and a good, slightly
boring book have helped me many nights. Or, just donÕt worry about the fact that
youÕre up late. I have found I can function just fine on much less sleep than
when I was drinking, probably because the quality of sober sleep is more
restful.
Again, the next step might be to try and figure out what
it is that alcohol was providing you with so that once you have stopped you can
stay stopped. Right now, while youÕre reducing your intake, would be a good
opportunity to observe and describe what youÕre missing. That can be helpful in
building the tools to combat urges.
Writing those ÒbenefitsÓ down and posting them here can
elicit suggestions from others about how they filled the void once alcohol was
out of their system. Part of it is practical—tools and techniques—and
part of it is philosophical—learning to NOT think of it as a void.
I distinctly remember my first night in over 20 years
without alcohol. The restlessness seemed pretty overwhelming, and I kept
looking at the clock and realizing how little sleep I was getting. That is a
particular symptom of ÒdetoxingÓ that can really be an obstacle for many
people: ÒI canÕt sleep without a drink.Ó
There are a couple of simple ways to dispute or deflect
that. One is to do things that will help you relax—warm bath, book, hot
milk, herbal tea, massage, candles, soft music...uh oh, IÕm getting carried
away here.
Another is to realize that you may be fixating on, and
becoming anxious about, your sleeplessness. So stay awake! All night, if that
happens. Big deal. Heck, you used to do it in college, right? And you can nap
when your body tells you to.
Sober sunrises are beautiful! You may be a little less on
top of your job tomorrow, but probably not as impaired as if youÕd been drunk.
Besides, taking a Òsick dayÓ to achieve sobriety isnÕt unreasonable. After all,
you are dealing with a medical condition.
This is all part of a broader anxiety about quitting
drinking. People are often scared of what life will be like without it. Folks
on these forum boards often report fears of boredom, coping with stress,
dealing with how other people will react (just wait until we get close to the
holidays!), etc. It WILL be uncomfortable, but all of those things are
bearable. Dealing with them as separate issues, and ruling out alcohol as the
solution to any of them, is an important step.