Off the top of my head, here are some of the things I do
to increase self-acceptance, either directly or indirectly.
1. Affirm the
things you do well. Writing a list of your positive attributes may seem kind of
egotistical, but it can be a useful exercise, and handy to refer to when you
are self-downing.
2. Work to
achieve serenity about the things you would like to accomplish, but which have
obstacles. IÕve worded this pretty carefully, because itÕs easier but more
self-demanding to say Òtry not to worry about the things you need to get done
but canÕt. If circumstances, other people, or factors beyond your control make it
difficult to get stuff done, change that goal from a need to a preference and
accept that it is beyond your control at this time. Along the same lines ...
3. Make lists
of what you have accomplished, not what you ÒneedÓ to accomplish.
4. Recognize
happiness when it is occurring. Step back from whatever situation you are in
and realize when you are doing something fun or having a good time‰ÛÓrather
than always planning for happiness or pining for perceived past happiness.
Those perceptions may be romanticized, and the plans for future happiness tend
to set us up for failure. Happiness is happening now. Carpe diem, and all that.
5. Avoid
awfulizing and making mental demands. Recognize when you are doing this, and
snap yourself out of it somehow—particularly if you are generalizing
about your character, predicting how you will behave, or being overly sensitive
to how you feel others perceive you. DonÕt think poisonous thoughts.
6. Use
language carefully, especially when youÕre emotionally vulnerable. Be accurate
about how you describe yourself and your behavior. You are not your behavior.
7. Count your
blessings. Yes, grandma was right (of course, she used it to make you feel
guilty!). ThereÕs always someone worse off than you, and most of us have much
to appreciate. Writing it down can be helpful.
8. Get up and
get going, especially when you least want to. Action and movement always
improve my mood. ÒPower yourself from the voidÓ is a wise expression.
9. Work on
something fulfilling every day. Having a Vital Creative Absorbing Interest
(VCAI) isnÕt just the idea of Ògetting a hobbyÓ—itÕs an exercise to get
us to change our daily behavior pattern in a way that helps us feel
accomplished. The fact that it happens to fill what used to be our drinking
time is another aspect of that: people who achieve sobriety usually make
lifestyle changes to enhance their commitment.
10. Give and appreciate
unconditional love. Children or other family members can be ok for this, but
that can be complicated. Dogs, cats, or birds tend to be more unconditional,
unless you forget to feed them.
11. Cultivate your sense
of humor. Smiling makes you happy, and making other people laugh defuses
tension, reduces stress, and improves communication.
12. Create something of
lasting beauty. Imbue it with symbolism of your own making. Plant a tree, write
a poem, draw a picture, frame a photograph with special memories. Whatever you
choose, you can refer to it when you feel emotionally shaky.
IÕm sure you can add your own;
these are just some things that work for me!